Meldar

[Blogger's Note: Well, this article isn't finished and hasn't been edited, but if I don't publish it now it'll probably remain incomplete, a draft forever.]


Mel Gibson, fresh off a drunk driving incident during which he spouted anti-Semitic remarks and referred to a female arresting officer as "Sugar Tits," appeared on Wednesday at the latest Star Trek convention in Los Angeles, Ca.

"I'm showing off the new 'do," said Gibson, who coined his coiffure The Saddam. "It's going to be the next big thing. It's going to be huge"--his eyes widened--"and everyone will know I started the trend." He added, in a bizzarely robotic tone, "I am Meldar, a humanoid conceived and raised on the pleasure planet Risa IX in the Salacious System."

When asked why he chose to emulate the former dictator's unkempt, fresh-from-the-dirt-hole hairdo, Gibson's response only provoked more questions. "I just love the jolly guy. Always smiling, that one. He's truly an inspiration. To travel around the world giving out all those presents in one night. One night!"

During the drunk driving arrest, Gibson also reportedly threatened one of the police offers with anal sex.

"What's the big deal? I love anal sex. Who doesn't? What is this crazy world coming to when a man gets in trouble for offering--offering, it wasn't a threat--to perform anal sex on another warm-blooded humanoid? People do it all the time. But of course, when Meldar says it, lordy, lordy, the apocalypse is here. Meldar is one of the good guys, who happens to love anal sex."

Gibson's next silver screen attraction, Apocalypto, is due to be released December 8th. After receiving criticism over his portrayal of the Jewish people in the role of Jesus Christ's death in the last movie he directed, Passion of the Christ, Gibson might have chosen to play it safe with his following motion picture. "I'm edgy. Meldar isn't scared of the media's invective. This time I tackled natives!" (Gibson (right) tries to escape from actors hired to play Mayans.) "They didn't handle it as well as I had hoped."

*This article is ficticious. All characters were made up. I don't know where the pictures came from (I think blogspot uploaded them without my permission). Any likeness to real persons is purely coincidental. So don't sue me, Mel! Personally, Braveheart is one of my favorite movies. Freedom!